“What have you got there, Lizzie?” Jessica asked, bounding into Elizabeth’s room. “A birthday present?”

“It’s from Bruce,” Elizabeth said, eyeing her sister suspiciously as she regarded the dress.

“I want it,” Jessica said, making a grab for the dress. Elizabeth quickly snatched it out of Jessica’s reach.

“Well, you can’t have it,” Elizabeth said. “You have your own boyfriend. He can buy you a dress for the party.”

“No fair!” Jessica cried, flopping down on Elizabeth’s bed. She extended a tanned leg to gently kick her sister.

“Stop it,” Elizabeth said, giggling. “Or else I’m going to have to break out the pillows for a pillow fight!”

“That’s so juvenile,” Jessica said with disgust. “We are grown women now. We have blossomed. And until ‘Skanks Gone Stupid’ puts out a Wakefield Twins Pillow Fight edition, we will do no such thing.”

“I am not going to be in any more ‘Skanks Gone Stupid’ films,” Elizabeth said firmly. “One was more than enough.”

“Oh, come on,” Jessica said, a familiar whiny tone creeping into her voice. “No one wants to see just one naked Wakefield twin!”

“Well, that’s all they’re going to get from now on,” Elizabeth said, standing up. “My acting days – and my slutty days – are over.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jessica sniffed. “You mean to tell me you and Bruce won’t be getting it on ever again?”

“That’s exactly what I mean to tell you, Jessica,” Elizabeth said. “I thought you only had to do it once.”

Jessica gave a high-pitched little laugh. “Oh, Elizabeth, you are too much,” she said.

“What?” Elizabeth asked, hurt. “I have to do it again?”

“You do if you want to keep Bruce Patman,” Jessica said. “A guy like that doesn’t stay around for just one roll in the hay, if you know what I’m saying.”

Elizabeth gasped. “Do you really think so?” she asked.

“Jesus, Lizzie, how can you be so naïve?” Jessica asked, exasperated. “In order to keep a man – any man – you’ll have to put out for the rest of your life.”

It sounded so final, so horrible, Elizabeth thought. She had enjoyed herself earlier that day, but she could see how it all might become a huge pain in the ass over time. Jessica, on the other hand, seemed as if she couldn’t get enough, Elizabeth observed wryly.

“Don’t look so miserable,” Jessica said, laughing. “It’s not so bad. In fact, I thought it was pretty fun.”

“It was,” Elizabeth said slowly. “But I’m not so sure I want to do it, like, all the time.”

“You really are a nerd,” Jessica said. “I’m off to find something to wear to the party.” She stood up and stretched luxuriously before disappearing through the bathroom that connected both twins’ bedrooms.

Jessica couldn’t believe her twin. Leave it to Elizabeth to have second thoughts about losing her virginity after the fact! Jessica thought. I really hope she doesn’t become one of those born-again virgins or something. In all honesty, Jessica had expected getting laid to permanently remove the stick that had been firmly lodged up Elizabeth’s ass for the past twenty-five or so years. Instead, it looks like Bruce has just moved the stick from one orifice to another, Jessica thought grimly.

She dug through the pile of wrinkled and bunched-up clothes spilling out of her closet and onto the floor of her bedroom. Really, the way Elizabeth was acting was infuriating, Jessica thought as she picked up a strapless hot pink dress and sniffed it to make sure their dog, who was named after a penile piercing, hadn’t peed on it. I mean, the best thing that could have happened to her was losing her virginity to Bruce Patman, Jessica thought to herself. I mean, if she had left it up to Todd, she’d be wearing a strap-on and doing him up the butt right about now. And that’s totally not cool.

“Okay, so Prince Albert hasn’t peed on my dress,” Jessica said out loud, holding up the dress. She knew she’d look gorgeous in it. Didn’t Jessica Wakefield always look gorgeous, no matter what?

The ride over to Lila’s house was silent, except for the hum of Bruce’s Porsche on the open road. He looked over at Elizabeth. “Is everything all right?” he asked. “You’re kind of quiet tonight.”

Elizabeth flashed Bruce a quick smile. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “I’m just lost in thought, that’s all.”

“Hmm,” Bruce said, frowning. “Actually, Elizabeth, that reminds me of something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Elizabeth asked. “What’s that?”

“Well, it’s just that now that we’re bumpin’ uglies, this thinking thing has got to stop,” he said.

“This thinking thing?” Elizabeth echoed testily.

“Yeah,” Bruce said. “I like my women to be beautiful and a lot dumber than me. And, well, you’re kind of smart. Especially for a girl. So you need to take it down a notch.”

Elizabeth was taken aback. “Bruce, I don’t think that’s a good—”

“Shh,” Bruce said, placing a finger on Elizabeth’s lips to quiet her. “There’s no need for words right now.”

Elizabeth sat, looking out the window and fuming in silence. So this is what it’s like! she thought bitterly. Once you give it up to the boy of your dreams, he starts controlling you and telling you what to do! Well, I’ll show him! He won’t be getting any from me anytime soon, that’s for fucking sure!

Bruce pulled up to the gates at Fowler Crest. He gave Elizabeth a reassuring pat on the leg. “You’re doing great, honey,” he said. “Just try to act a little bit more vapid, and we’ll be all set.”

A valet opened the door for Elizabeth and then walked around the car to let Bruce out.

“Don’t scratch it,” Bruce said snottily, tossing the Porsche keys to the valet. He hooked a possessive arm around Elizabeth’s waist and guided her to the front door. Tiny white lights twinkled in all the trees lining either side of the driveway and the walkway to the mansion. Lila must have had the servants working overtime to do all this decorating! Elizabeth thought to herself.

Bruce caught Elizabeth looking around in awe. “Fowler Crest is okay,” he said, more than a hint of arrogance in his voice, “but the Patman mansion is much larger. Lila is so nouveau riche.”

“I doubt you even know what nouveau riche means,” Elizabeth muttered under her breath.

“What’s that?” Bruce asked. “I didn’t quite hear what you said.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Elizabeth said demurely. “It’s not important.”

Bruce smiled and kissed her on the forehead. Elizabeth resisted the urge to back away from his grasp. After all, in order to get even with Bruce Patman, Elizabeth would have to take a decidedly Jessica Wakefield approach to things!

Lila threw open the door. “Elizabeth! Bruce!” she exclaimed, as if she were actually happy to see the two of them standing on her doorstep. “Come on in.”

“I’m surprised to see you answer your own front door, Lila,” Bruce sniffed. “At the Patman estate, we have servants to do that sort of thing for us.”

Lila narrowed her eyes at Bruce. “Whatever, douchebag,” she said. “Just get your ass in here, before I decide to uninvite you to my party.”

“You can’t uninvite me, Lila,” Bruce said. “I’m banging the guest of honor.”

“One of the guests of honor,” Lila reminded him. “I presume you’re not lucky enough to be exchanging bodily fluids with both of the Wakefield twins?”

“Lila, dear, no one in Sweet Valley is that lucky,” he said, flashing Elizabeth a sideways grin. “But I can’t say I haven’t thought about being the meat in a Wakefield twin sandwich, if you know what I mean.”

Elizabeth fought hard to repress the look of horror that was trying to manifest itself on her face. So this is what Bruce is really like, she thought sadly. I probably should have screwed Todd, even thought it probably would have been totally unsatisfying for both of us.

“You’re so gross, Bruce,” Lila said, guiding them into the living room. The party was in full swing. Todd and Ken were sucking face on the leather couch. Winston Egbert was flirting with Caroline Pearce. Enid was dancing by herself to the soothing sounds of The Droids.

“Excuse me for a moment, Bruce,” Elizabeth said. “I have to go talk to Enid.”

“All right,” Bruce said reluctantly. “But don’t go too far, okay?”

“I won’t,” Elizabeth purred, putting on her best Jessica voice. As she walked toward Enid, she swayed her hips exaggeratedly, hoping Bruce would get the hint.

“Enid!” Elizabeth cried, hugging her friend. “You look great!”

The makeover had really worked wonders for Enid. She looked happier than she had in ages. With the right makeup, haircut and clothes, Enid was a knockout.

“Thanks, Elizabeth,” Enid said warmly. “Now I don’t feel so inferior to you.”

“Oh, Enid,” Elizabeth sighed, folding her friend into yet another hug.

“Happy birthday, Liz,” Enid said, beaming.

“Thanks,” Elizabeth replied. She turned to see where Bruce was. He was drinking a glass of champagne and keeping a close eye on Elizabeth. She gave him a seductive smile and a little wink before blowing him a kiss and then licking her lips. She could see by the amorous glint in his eye that she was getting to him.

“What’s with you?” Enid teased, laughing. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were giving it to Bruce Patman, hardcore!”

Elizabeth blushed. “Already did this morning,” she admitted.

Enid squealed. “I always knew you would get laid before me, Liz!” she cried.

“Well, yeah, who didn’t?” Elizabeth asked, shrugging.

“So how was it?” Enid pressed.

Elizabeth nodded. “It was… it was okay,” she said slowly.

“Just okay?” Enid asked, her eyes wide. “You’ve got to give me more details than that, Elizabeth Wakefield!”

“All right, it was good,” Elizabeth said, closing her eyes and placing a hand on Enid’s shoulder to steady herself. “But now things are just weird, you know?”

“Weird how?” Enid asked, peering over Elizabeth’s shoulder at Bruce. “Weird like he wants to jump you all the time? Because he totally looks like he’s going to come over here and take you right here on the dance floor!”

“Well, there’s that and – and he wants me to start acting like a dumb whore,” Elizabeth said with a frown. “Like Jessica.”

“No!” Enid said, gasping. “But I heard that once you had sex, the guy thought you were perfect and he was completely and utterly in love with you, forever and ever!”

“Where did you hear that from?” Elizabeth asked, frowning. “None of us had ever even heard of sex until about three days ago.”

Enid looked around the room uncomfortably. “I used to hang with a wild crowd, Elizabeth,” Enid reminded her gently. “I’ve heard stories.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Elizabeth said dismissively. “You used to wear black leather and smoke candy cigarettes. I remember now.”

“I was on meth and nearly killed a child!” Enid cried, her voice thick with emotion. “Why do you never take me seriously?”

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth said. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”

“It’s okay,” Enid said, quick to forgive her friend. “Anyway, what are you going to do about Bruce?”

“I’ll keep him around for a while,” Elizabeth said in her best Jessica tone. “I’ll make him lust after me twenty-four/seven. And then, I won’t give it up to him ever again!” She threw back her head and laughed maniacally. Being the evil twin was kind of fun, she had to admit.

“That’s a great plan, Elizabeth,” Enid said. “You’re so smart.”

“If Bruce wanted stupid, he should have gotten in Jessica’s pants,” Elizabeth said, casting another glance over her shoulder. “Listen, Enid, Bruce is kind of starting to give me the evil eye, so I’d better get back to him. Have you seen Jessica, by any chance?”

Enid shook her head no. “She and Jayden aren’t here yet. They’re planning on making a big entrance, I’d imagine,” she said.

“That sounds about right,” Elizabeth said. “Thanks, Enid.”

By the time Elizabeth reached Bruce, she could practically see the giant bulge in his pants. “Hey, there,” she whispered in his ear. “I missed you.”

Bruce pulled Elizabeth close and gave her a long kiss, during which he tried to slip a hand up her shirt. Elizabeth pulled away, giggling. “Don’t, Bruce,” she said huskily. “Everyone’s watching.”

“I don’t care,” he said, forcing her back to him and kissing her hard on the lips. Elizabeth realized she liked it kind of rough, in spite of herself.

“Wait a little bit,” she whispered against his lips. “We’ll do more when we can go somewhere a little more … private.”

“Oh, so now you care about privacy,” Bruce whispered back. “You didn’t seem to need it this morning when you lost your virginity on camera.”

“That was this morning,” Elizabeth said. “I’ve gotten a little shy since then.”

“Playing hard to get, huh?” Bruce asked, his hands moving upward into groping territory again. “I like it.”

“Do you?” Elizabeth said, her voice breathy.

“I do,” Bruce said. “It’s very Jessica-like.”

Elizabeth felt as if she had been punched in the gut. So he’s really liked Jessica all along! she realized. I’ve been so stupid, thinking Bruce Patman liked me! Tears began to well up in her eyes. Maybe she couldn’t do this, after all. Maybe it was better to just break it off with Bruce Patman right then and there.

“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked gently as Elizabeth pulled away.

For a minute, Elizabeth was almost tricked into thinking the sweet, sensitive Bruce she had fallen in love with was still there. But that Bruce Patman didn’t exist.

Before Elizabeth could say anything, she was interrupted – by none other than her twin.

“I’m here!” Jessica announced, stepping into the room. She looked great in her wrinkled, not-peed-on, hot pink strapless dress. Jessica’s entourage – Jayden, Ava, Owen and Chase – followed.

Elizabeth peeked at Bruce to see if his eyes were transfixed on Jessica. But, to her surprise, she discovered that they weren’t. He was focused solely on her.

“What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” he asked again, his voice soft.

“Do you love me, Bruce?” Elizabeth asked solemnly. “I mean, really love me.”

Bruce looked around, uncomfortable. “Well, yeah,” he said. “I’m screwing you, aren’t I?”

“Then why would you say all these hurtful things to me?” she asked mournfully.

“What hurtful things?” Bruce asked stupidly. Elizabeth smiled. Bruce could be so dumb sometimes, but he did have a huge package, so it all evened out in the end, she figured.

“Things like I’m acting like Jessica and I should be more stupid,” Elizabeth said. “I’m not Jessica. And I’m not dumb, either.”

“No, you’re not,” Bruce admitted, sighing. “I’m sorry. It’s been such a weird day.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “I guess I’ve just been so horny since we got it on, I’ve been acting like a real jerk. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Of course,” Elizabeth said softly. She leaned up and kissed him. “And maybe, if you play your cards right, you’ll get lucky again tonight.”