Suddenly, Jessica felt her head being yanked backward by some unseen force. The prom queen crown was ripped from her head with such force it made her yell.
“What the fuck?” Jessica cried, straightening up and placing both hands on the top of her head, which was sensitive from the blow.
“Todd!” Ken cried in surprise.
“You have a lot of nerve, Jessica Wakefield,” Todd said, waving the crown in Jessica’s face. “Wearing the crown that I made to the prom as if you had it in the bag?”
“I fucking do have it in the bag,” Jessica retorted, smoothing down her hair. “I’m a Wakefield twin, remember?”
“I don’t care,” Todd said. “We haven’t even voted on prom queen yet! You’re such a skanky bitch!”
“You must have me confused with my sister,” Jessica muttered, narrowing her eyes.
“Elizabeth has way more class than you’ll ever have,” Todd said. “She at least wouldn’t flirt with my boyfriend right in front of my face!”
“No, she’d wait until your back was barely turned,” Jessica said with a smug grin. “Didn’t you notice all those times she cheated on you?”
“Elizabeth cheated on me?” Todd asked, surprised. “Wow, I had no idea!”
“You didn’t know?” Ken asked. “Seriously, dude.”
“Whatever,” Todd said. “That’s not the issue here. The issue is that you, Jessica, are a conniving, scheming little slutbag!”
“Like that’s news, Todd!” Jessica said, making a desperate grasp for the crown. Todd snatched it out of her grasp. Jessica was dimly aware of the crowd watching her and Todd as they wrestled over the cheap plastic headpiece.
“We haven’t even voted for prom queen yet,” Jessica heard Olivia whisper to someone.
“I wasn’t going to vote for Jessica or Todd,” Aaron Dallas said. “I think Elizabeth should win.”
Jessica spun around. “Elizabeth has dropped out of the running,” she snapped. “You’d better vote for me, Dallas. I flashed you last week.”
“Big deal,” Todd shot back. “We’ve all seen your breasts.”
“Not in person,” Jessica snarled, finally getting a hold on the crown. Her fingernails dug into the back of Todd’s hand and he yelped in pain. She pulled with all her might, feeling the weight of the crown as it gave over to her strength. She had nearly pulled it out of Todd’s grasp when she heard a loud snap and flew backwards into Ken, holding a jagged half crown. “Noooooo!” she cried.
“My crown!” Todd sobbed. “I worked so hard on that!”
“Well, now you’re both prom queens,” Ken said, trying to smooth things over. “You can each wear half of the crown, and we won’t even have to waste time voting!”
“Oh, shut up,” Jessica snapped. “This is so lame. I’d expect this kind of shit at a Big Mesa prom.”
“Speaking of Big Mesa, aren’t they supposed to be showing up here?” Amy asked. “I heard they were going to crash our prom.”
“Don’t worry, Winston and his loser girlfriend will be the first to be sacrificed,” Bruce said with a laugh. “Have you heard his lame-ass jokes? They’ll kick his ass for sure.”

* * *

“Oh, hurry,” Elizabeth said, hovering over Randy as he disarmed the first explosive.
“Elizabeth, would you mind giving me a little space?” Randy asked. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. “This is a little stressful.”
“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth apologized. “It’s just that we don’t have very much time.”
They were under the bleachers and had sneaked into the dance while Jessica and Todd were arguing over the broken crown and who was the sluttiest Wakefield twin.
After a few minutes, Randy put down his pliers. “OK, Liz, that one’s done. The next one is in the boys’ restroom.”
“What?” Elizabeth asked, shocked. “I can’t go in there!”
“You’re going to have to,” Randy said firmly. “I’m going to need you to hand me supplies. And flash me at regular intervals to boost morale.”
“All right,” Elizabeth relented. “But let’s make it quick.”
They crept out from under the bleachers, sticking close to the wall so no one would notice them. The last thing Elizabeth needed was to be intercepted by Mr. Collins. Bypassing dancing couples kept at arms’ length by pregnant bellies, the two of them finally made it out of the gym. They ran down the hall to the boys’ restroom and Randy checked to make sure the coast was clear before waving Elizabeth inside.
“It’s in the last stall,” Randy said, pointing. “Get the wire cutters out of my backpack.”
Elizabeth rummaged through Randy’s bag, trying not to touch anything too heavily, as everything in the bag had a fine film of perspiration on it. “Got it,” she said, handing the wire cutters to Randy.
Elizabeth noticed the stall walls were covered in handwriting, and she strained to read some of it, gasping when she realized most of the entries included her telephone number. “Randy! What is all this?” she cried.
Randy looked up. “What is all what?”
“All this writing! ‘For a good time, call the Wakefield twins.’ Randy, our telephone number is written here!”
Randy shook his head as if to clear it. “It’s – look, you and Jessica have a reputation. Could you get the pliers? And I’m going to need a breast break in about a minute,” he said. “Thanks, Elizabeth. You’re the best.”

* * *

Enid finished off the last of her beers and lit a cigarette for good measure. She’d been high for hours now and was just waiting to attack.
“Come on, you Big Mesa skanks!” she yelled into the night, slurring the words slightly. “I’m ready for you!”
As if she’d uttered the magic words, a cold wind whipped around her, blowing Enid’s hair across her face. They’re coming! she thought excitedly. Big Mesa’s almost here!
The sound of tires squealing into the Sweet Valley High parking lot brought Enid to attention. Several cars had pulled in and screeched to a stop, kids spilling out of them and advancing menacingly on the gym.
Enid hopped off the hood of her car and made a run for the gym, cutting across the parking lot in front of the angry Big Mesa mob. “They’re here!” she yelled as she burst through the doors. “Big Mesa is here!”
“Let’s go!” Bruce yelled, following Enid back out the door to face the enemy.
Winston crouched under the table where he had been selling tickets, cowering in fear. Maria took off behind Bruce and Enid, not letting her ample stomach slow her down.
Inside the gym, students panicked, running in several directions at once. Lila backed against the wall, cradling Rich to her chest. She wasn’t sure which way to go, suddenly paralyzed by fear.
Todd handed Hannah off to Ken and ran outside, rolling up the shirt sleeve on his punching arm. Ken tried to move toward Lila, but he was swept away in another direction.
Jessica started running toward the door that led to the classrooms, but was felled by a sharp stabbing pain in her stomach. Panting, she picked herself up off the floor. “What the fuck was that?” she asked out loud. She clutched at her stomach and willed herself to keep moving, but the stabbing pains continued, making escape slow.
Jessica stumbled toward the door, temporarily blinded to her surroundings because of the pain. She cried out, but the guttural noise she was making was lost in the noise that had risen to a frantic level in the gym.
Someone grabbed Jessica’s ankle. Looking down, she saw Claire Middleton, Sweet Valley High’s second-string quarterback, curled in the fetal position and silently crying. Jessica shook her leg, trying to remove Claire, but the girl wouldn’t budge.
“Help me, Jessica,” she croaked. “Please.”
“No fucking way,” Jessica said through clenched teeth, willing herself not to scream as another wave of pain hit her. “I have my own problems right now.”
All around Jessica, mucous plugs were popping like champagne corks. The entire female population of Sweet Valley High was going into labor simultaneously!
“Great timing,” Jessica muttered, falling to the ground and blacking out as another contraction hit.

* * *

“What’s wrong?” Elizabeth cried. “Shouldn’t this one be done already?”
“I screwed up some of the wiring, all right?” Randy snapped. “Give me a second to figure it out.”
“We don’t have a second,” Elizabeth said, straining to hear what was going on outside the boys’ restroom. “I think Big Mesa is already here!”
“Awesome,” Randy muttered under his breath. “More pressure.”
A strange sensation hit Elizabeth all at once, pressure and pain. She breathed heavily, trying to ignore it, but it was stronger than anything she’d ever felt in her life. “Randy,” she said, letting out a breath. “Something’s wrong.”
“I know something’s wrong,” he said, turning away from the bomb to look at her. “These wires are all mixed up!”
“No, I mean something is wrong with me,” Elizabeth said. “I don’t feel well.” She grabbed onto the sink to steady herself.
“Are you serious?” Randy asked. “This is the worst possible time to get sick, Elizabeth.”
“It’s not like I have a choice,” Elizabeth gasped, gripping onto the sink.
“All right, I’m almost done,” Randy said, turning back to his work. “Then we’ll get you out of here, OK?”
“There’s one more bomb, isn’t there?” Elizabeth asked, trying not to cry out in pain. “I don’t know if we’ll get to it in time.”
“It’s in Chrome Dome Cooper’s office,” he said. “I’ll take care of it – but you need to get home or to the hospital or something. I thought you had a boyfriend. Can’t he take you?”
“Todd is not. My boyfriend.” Elizabeth said through clenched teeth. “I’m only. His beard.”
“What’s a beard?” Randy asked, snipping one last wire. “There, that should do it.”
“Never. Mind.”
Grabbing onto Randy, Elizabeth let him lead her out of the restroom and into the hallway. A loud noise greeted their ears. It sounded as if hundreds of girls were groaning in pain at once, making the same sounds Elizabeth herself had just been making. Sweating, she turned to Randy. “We’re all going into labor,” she realized.
“Awesome,” Randy muttered. “All right, I’ll just drop you off in the gym so you can be with the other girls and, uh, do girl stuff, and then I’ll disarm the bomb in Cooper’s office.”
“No!” Elizabeth cried, gripping his arm tightly in panic. “Don’t leave me!”
“Elizabeth, you can’t come with me,” Randy said. “I can’t be distracted by all this female hysteria.”
“It is not. Female. Hysteria,” Elizabeth grunted. “Do you know. The size. Of what is about. To come. Out of my cooch?”
“Don’t really care,” Randy said, shrugging. He practically threw Elizabeth behind the gym door and ran off to disarm the last bomb.
Elizabeth’s eyes surveyed the gym, wide with surprise. Her Sweet Valley High classmates were in various stages of distress, some of them lying on the floor, others leaning against the walls, crying and panting and screaming in pain. Lila was backed up against one of the walls, clutching her baby and watching the scene, open-mouthed.
“Lila,” Elizabeth croaked, slowly making her way over to her classmate and pausing every few steps to let out a heavy breath. “Lila, where’s Jessica?”
Lila didn’t say a word but pointed to a familiar figure lying on the floor, clearly unconscious.
“Jessica!” Elizabeth screamed, fighting her way though the crowd and the pain. “Jessica!”

* * *

Enid had already felled several boys from Big Mesa, but it was the girls she was having trouble fending off. They must have already dropped their babies, she thought. They’re all looking awfully thin. But motherhood had given them another advantage as well – their strength seemed to have increased.
She kicked one of them in the gut, sending her backwards into Lila’s lime-green Triumph. Sensing another girl behind her, Enid blindly jabbed at the air with her homemade shank, feeling it connect with skin and bone.
Bruce and Todd fought beside her, and although they clearly didn’t have Enid’s skills with weaponry, both boys had been in enough high school scuffles to deliver a series of accurate punches to their opponents.
Maria was fighting valiantly, despite the pain she was obviously in. Enid could see she was breathing hard and her strength was flagging, but she managed to trip up a large Big Mesa boy, leaving him sprawled face-down on the concrete.