Post-coital Tristesse — Word Count: 33,521

“Lila was in her underwear?” Elizabeth asked, confused. She fiddled with one of her barrettes.

“Yeah, I can’t believe you didn’t hear about it,” Winston said. “She actually asked this one to marry her!”

Elizabeth turned to Bruce, the tears overflowing down her cheeks. “Is that true?” she asked.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to get all clingy now that we’ve had lots of mind-blowing sex,” Bruce said in a warning tone.

“I’m not clingy,” Elizabeth said, sniffling.

“Ugh, enough with all the drama,” Winston moaned, looking skyward. “Let’s go already.”

As the three of them walked toward the elevator, Winston spotted Roger.

“Hey, cousinbro,” Roger greeted Bruce, who just looked at him with disdain. “You guys going out to lunch?”

“The Unicorn Club,” Winston said, nodding meaningfully at Roger.

“Oh, shit, I’m in,” Roger said, joining them on the elevator. “I can’t believe you guys were going to go without me.”

Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she’d found in her purse.

“You aren’t going to bust us for drinking on our lunch break, are you?” Winston joked, jabbing Bruce in the side.

“We’ll need drinks to stomach some of the bitches that work at the Unicorn Club,” Bruce said, snorting with laughter. “Especially that Candy Kane.”

“Oh, god, Candy Kane,” Winston said. “I totally forgot about her.”

“How could you forget?” Roger said with a shudder. “She snorted a line off your crotch.”

“She did what?” Elizabeth asked nervously.

“Don’t worry, she’ll leave you alone,” Bruce said, patting Elizabeth on the arm. “Unless you’re into the whole bisexual thing.”

Winston and Roger laughed as the elevator door opened. They let Elizabeth off first.

“Let’s take your car, Winston,” Bruce suggested. “I don’t want those bitches to see me rolling up in my Porsche and think they can take me for all I’ve got.”

“Not like it matters,” Winston replied, fishing the car keys out of his pocket. “Everyone knows you’re the wealthiest man in town.”

“And the best looking,” Bruce added. “And the biggest douchebag.”

Bruce was gracious enough to let Roger ride shotgun. In the backseat of Winston’s car, he ran a hand up Elizabeth’s thigh. “You’re going to love the Unicorn Club,” he whispered in her ear.

“I’m sure I will,” she whispered back.

The Unicorn Club was a small, dumpy-looking building on the outskirts of Sweet Valley. Underneath its purple neon sign was a small marquee that said “R U HORNY? WE R!”

Elizabeth looked at Bruce, confused. “I thought you said this was a business lunch,” she said slowly.

“It is,” he assured her, squeezing her thigh. “Trust me, Patman Canning has made lots of important business decisions inside the Unicorn Club.”

“That’s true,” Winston said, catching Elizabeth’s eye in the rearview mirror as he pulled into the parking lot. “Where do you think we were when Bruce decided to hire you? Looks like we’ll have to park in back.”

“Fine with me,” Bruce said. Winston pulled his car into a spot next to a Jeep that looked suspiciously like the twins’ Jeep.

Inside, the club was dim. Bruce kept an arm around Elizabeth’s waist. It smells really funky in here, she thought, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

As Elizabeth’s eyes adjusted to the lack of light and she caught sight of what was contained within the club, she froze. “Bruce, these girls are completely naked!” she whispered.

“I know! Isn’t it great?” he replied.

* * *

Lila struggled to get Marshall into the car. Finally, she just tipped his chair forward and he slumped into the backseat, a vacant expression on his face. Blowing her bangs out of her face, Lila folded up the wheelchair and shoved it into the trunk before returning to the open car door and awkwardly strapping Marshall into his seat.

She dialed a number on her cell phone and leaned against the car, catching her breath as she waited for the rings. If I couldn’t get the best of Bruce this morning, at least I can make myself feel better by screwing Jessica over, she thought, her face still burning with humiliation at the scene that had taken place in Bruce’s office.

“Stan?” she asked. “Are you ready for us to pick you up for lunch? … No, I’ll drive, I insist. … It’s no trouble, really.” She shut the door behind Marshall. “No, he’s already in the car. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes, all right? … Yes, you, too. See you then.”

She hung up and shoved her phone into her purse. Stan’s going to be so surprised when he sees that his precious little Jessica Wakefield is nothing but a common whore showing her goods for anyone who’s willing to throw a dollar her way, she thought, smiling evilly as she got behind the wheel.

As Lila pulled into Stan’s driveway, she honked the horn, then waited ten agonizing minutes for him to hobble down the driveway to her car.

“Good morning, Lila, father,” he said, nodding stiffly to each of them.

“I found this great little lunch place in town,” Lila said. “I just know you — and your dad — are going to love it.”

“I hope it’s expensive,” Stan said.

“Oh, you can potentially spend lots of money there,” Lila said with a grin. “So how are things going with Jessica? I heard you had a lovely little date last weekend.”

Stan nodded. “Jessica’s nice, but I think I’m more … compatible with Elizabeth,” he said. “The twins have agreed to be part of a triad with me, though.”

Lila raised an eyebrow as she sped down the road. “A triad? That sounds serious.”

“Oh, it is,” Stan said. “I think Elizabeth is very excited about it.”

I highly doubt Elizabeth is excited about it, Lila thought. She could barely contain her laughter. In fact, I’m pretty sure Elizabeth has no idea she’s involved in a triad with Jessica and Stan!

* * *

Enid was miserable. She paced the jail cell like a caged animal. I have to get out of here, she thought. I have to get back to Brandi and Nevaeh.

“Enid Rollins?” called the female police officer, making her way over to the cell.

“Yes, yes, that’s me,” Enid called back, pressing her face against the bars.

“Looks like you’re free to go,” the officer said. She unlocked the cell door and it swung open with a loud screech.

“Really?” Enid asked excitedly. “Why? What happened?”

“Overcrowding,” the officer responded. “We’re so full up with psychopathic killers, kidnappers and face-stealers, we just don’t have room for a neglectful mother who’s also a crackhead.”

Lucky for me, Enid thought smugly as she slipped past the female officer out of the jail cell.

The officer winked at Enid and then slipped her a piece of paper. “Give me a call sometime,” she told Enid.

Outside, Enid blinked in the bright sunlight. She wasn’t sure where to begin looking for Brandi and Nevaeh. Maybe I’ll figure it out if I stop by Kelly’s for a drink, she reasoned. I’ll just go back to where it all began, clear my head, think about my next move.

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04 2011

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