Posts Tagged ‘Caroline Pearce’

Post-coital Tristesse — Word Count: 18,041

“That’s impossible!” Elizabeth cried, throwing off her Snuggie. It slid to the floor and landed in a sleeved heap. “Bruce is my new BFF. I mean, sure, he may get a little handsy every now and then, but he’s certainly not a rapist!”

“Date rapist,” Jessica said, correcting her twin for once. “He at least has the decency to get a girl good and drunk or otherwise impaired beforehand.”

“Police have also declined to speak further about the case,” Amy continued. “They have, however, referred all questions about the Sweet Valley date rapist to a ragtag bunch of 16-year-olds with an uncanny ability to solve crimes and a shocking lack of parental supervision.”

Elizabeth shook her head angrily as Amy concluded her report.

“For Sweet Valley Action News, I’m Amy Sutton. Token Sweet Valley High Character We Don’t Give a Shit About But Who Inexplicably Became a News Anchor, back to you.”

“Thanks, Amy,” Jeffrey French said as the camera cut back to him. “Coming up: A look at your local forecast, which as we all know will be sunny and perfect, but first, our nightly check of the Wakefield twins’ bowel movements and a special report on why Elizabeth doesn’t love me anymore.” We’ll never know why


11 2010

Double Penetration – Word count: 2,999

Elizabeth didn’t like the sound of it, not one bit. “I don’t know, Jessica,” she said, shaking her head. “You barely know this guy.”

“And when has that ever stopped me? I go off with guys I barely know all the time,” Jessica said. “And everything has always worked out just fine.”

Elizabeth had to admit it was true. There was the one time Jessica had wandered off with Scott Daniels, a college boy with a porn star ‘stache, and he had attempted to date rape her in a boathouse. Because Jessica was such a cock tease, Scott left her stranded in the boathouse, and it took her all night long to find her way back. Elizabeth had had to pretend she was Jessica, and, boy, was she pissed – for all of about five seconds. More twisted perfection inside


11 2007