The club wasn’t very crowded. At a table to her left, Jessica spotted one of her regulars, Mr. Collins. He had been the twins’ English teacher at Sweet Valley High, and he’d popped Elizabeth’s cherry up at Miller’s Point one night. Elizabeth had come home crying uncontrollably, Jessica recalled.

Even though Mr. Collins kind of gave her the creeps, he was still one of her best-paying customers. Jessica worked her way over to his side of the stage, gyrating her hips and accepting dollar bills from A.J. Morgan and Claire Middleton as she did so.

“Hello, Mr. Collins,” Jessica said breathily, crouching down and holding out a hand for her usual tip. Inwardly, she shuddered in disgust, but in six years of dancing Jessica had become a pro at not letting her face betray her true feelings.

“Elizabeth,” Mr. Collins said warmly. “Do you need ‘advising’? Preferably in the champagne room?” Coke whoring

“I — I lost my job today,” Elizabeth said, her voice shaking. At any moment, she was sure she was going to burst into tears.

“You did what?” Jessica screeched. “Do you know what this is going to do to my bikini line? Not to mention my career?”

“You’ll just have to work harder, Jess,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked up at her sister, whose face was contorted in rage. “You know, help out a little bit around here.”

“You want help? Here you go,” Jessica said dismissively, reaching into her purse and pulling out a fat roll of cash. She threw it toward her twin.

“What’s this?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes wide as she unfurled the roll and started counting the money. “Jessica, these are all one-dollar bills.” Gemini to the main stage

“Even so,” Lila said, wrinkling her nose, “you wouldn’t catch me doing something as pathetic as taking charity from someone like that.” She gave Marshall a cute little wave from across the pool. “Hi, sweetie!”

Marshall grunted and stared at a spot somewhere above Lila’s head.

“Doesn’t Marshall have some, like, children or grandchildren? You know, a rich, hot heir to the Stanton fortune…” Jessica’s voice trailed off dreamily.

Lila snorted. “Yeah, right. You think they’d let you anywhere near their bank account?”

“Why not? I have blue-green eyes the color of the Pacific ocean, a tiny dimple in my left cheek when I smile, a perfect size-six figure, and I’m a fucking Wakefield twin,” Jessica said, listing all of her best attributes. Winston gets all hip

Less than a week to go before Four Minutes Older is back and taking on Sweet Valley Confidential. If you haven’t already checked out the scandalous first chapter that details Liz’s sexual hangups and love of Beyonce, head over to www.sweetvalleytenyearslater.com.

Also, I am proud to have been the catalyst for someone’s wet dream about Bruce Patman.

Full text of this year’s NaNo, “Prom Baby!” after the jump. If you are looking for the 2007 NaNo, “Double Penetration,” click here. NSFW – or any occasion, really

Jessica dropped to her knees in the sand, exhausted. She wasn’t badly hurt, but some of her classmates were. Roger was helping a badly bruised Winston to shore. Blood was flowing from Jean’s cheek, and her best friend, Sandra Bacon, was missing a front tooth. A rolled-up sock was hanging out one of the legs of Bruce’s Speedo, but he seemed otherwise OK.
“Did you hear that bitch?” Jessica fumed. “They’re going to crash our prom.”
“Let them fucking try,” Bruce said.
Todd was comforting Ken, who was clutching his ribs. “I panicked,” Todd said. “All those times I’ve punched people – I can’t believe I froze.” An unlikely assassin

“I don’t care about what Lila read in Ingenue. I don’t care about Lila Fowler, period,” Elizabeth said. “Unless she has some sort of psychological problem, physical handicap or family issue I can give her advice on.”
Jessica snorted. “Lila has psychological problems and family issues up the wazoo,” she said. “Oh, and I’m pretty sure inverted nipples count as a physical handicap.” They totally do

“We still didn’t find out what boobs are for,” Jessica said thoughtfully, chewing on a french fry. “Hey, Liz, aren’t you going to eat that brownie?” She reached over and snagged the fudge-covered brownie off Elizabeth’s tray. “Aren’t you going to eat any of your lunch? Give it here. I’m starving.”
“Who cares what boobs are for?” Lila said. “This class is a major bore.”
“Have you forgotten about that skanky bitch from Big Mesa?” Jessica asked. “Do you want her and all the other a-holes from Big Mesa to think they’re better than us?” I bet Bruce Patman knows what boobs are for

Elizabeth didn’t like the sound of it, not one bit. “I don’t know, Jessica,” she said, shaking her head. “You barely know this guy.”

“And when has that ever stopped me? I go off with guys I barely know all the time,” Jessica said. “And everything has always worked out just fine.”

Elizabeth had to admit it was true. There was the one time Jessica had wandered off with Scott Daniels, a college boy with a porn star ‘stache, and he had attempted to date rape her in a boathouse. Because Jessica was such a cock tease, Scott left her stranded in the boathouse, and it took her all night long to find her way back. Elizabeth had had to pretend she was Jessica, and, boy, was she pissed – for all of about five seconds. More twisted perfection inside