Posts Tagged ‘WUT’

Post-coital Tristesse — Word Count: 49,108

Everyone in the courtroom gasped. “Boyd? What kind of fucking name is that?” Bruce cried.

“Totally redneck,” Jessica assured him.

“Who the fuck is that?” Elizabeth said.

The courtroom burst into chaos as the doors opened and a man who looked just like Bruce was escorted to the witness stand by two police officers. As he took his seat, he and Bruce caught eyes, and Jessica could practically feel the hatred radiating from Bruce. Even trashier than cousinbro

06

06 2011

Post-coital Tristesse — Word Count: 47,681

“Here, give me your watch and your barrettes,” Jessica hissed, trying to take the objects without drawing attention to the twins. She quickly pinned back her hair and clipped the watch onto her wrist. “How do I look?”

“Like me,” Elizabeth whispered. She gave her twin a shaky smile. “Good luck.”

“I don’t need luck,” Jessica said dramatically. “I’m an actress.”

As she walked to the stand, Jessica willed her legs forward, even though they felt like two lead blocks that were holding her down. She and Bruce passed, just inches from each other. He looked into her eyes, searching for some kind of sympathy. Finding none, Jessica could pinpoint the split second he realized it was Jessica and not Elizabeth who was going to take the stand. She could practically feel the fear radiating off of him.

Don’t worry, Brucie, she thought with a smirk. I won’t rat you out. Twin switch in action

05

06 2011

Post-coital Tristesse — Word Count: 24,358

Bruce looked over at the clock on his nightstand. Elizabeth had been crying for the last 20 minutes. Awkward, he thought. I know I’m good, but she needs to calm the fuck down.

He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, trying to drown out the image of Elizabeth sobbing. He hoped the servants hadn’t heard her crying — it was perfectly fine that they had heard the moans of passion he had drawn from Elizabeth’s lips, but he had a reputation to uphold. And a crying bitch did nothing for his repuation.

“Do you do this every time?” he asked in a bored tone, staring up at the ceiling.

Elizabeth sniffled. “Y- yes,” she stammered. “I’m sorry, it’s just—”

“Yeah, not interested,” Bruce said coolly, sitting up and covering his enormous package with the bedsheet. “I just want to know if I can expect the same thing next time.” Enormous. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

08

03 2011

10 Years Later — and Four Minutes Older

So, was anyone else underwhelmed with the preview of “Sweet Valley Confidential”? I mean, it’s nice to know that Elizabeth cries when she comes and all, but a Sweet Valley without a date-rapist Bruce Patman is a Sweet Valley I don’t want any part of.

I’m gearing up to tackle “Sweet Valley Confidential” Four Minutes Older style. Join me for day-shift hooker Jessica, gold-diggin’ Lila and a Bruce who still has the balls to attempt date rape!

17

07 2010

Prom Baby! – The full story

Prom Baby! – Word count: 45,389

Enid grabbed a girl by her hair and threw a hard knee to her throat. Glancing behind her, she could see that several Big Mesa students had breached the gym. Her first thought was for Elizabeth’s safety.
“I’ve got to get back into the gym,” Enid said, throwing an elbow to a large girl to her right. “Do you guys think you can manage this?”
Todd nodded and punched two guys at once as if to prove his point. Todd punch action in full effect

24

11 2009

Prom Baby! – Word count: 18,291

“OK, got it,” Amy said. “It’s a bit dusty. I don’t think we’ve ever had a teen pregnancy in Sweet Valley before.” Amy sneezed. “It’s from the 1950s, so I’m not sure how much good it will do.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Elizabeth said encouragingly.

Amy began to read in a halting, monotone voice. “So you just found out you’re going to be an unwed mother? What to do? Luckily, the woman of today has several options. You can fall down the stairs, or take a knitting needle–”

“Amy, stop,” Elizabeth said, cringing. “I’m not going to hurt my baby. There’s something else I have to tell you. I think my baby is the second coming of Christ.” WUT??

13

11 2009